I Hate Marketing

Mind you, so does everyone else I talk to, but seriously, I hate it. There are so many jobs that I can’t even dream of having because of it. I could not work a sales job to save my life; I can’t bring myself to make someone feel it is absolutely essential that they have this thing that’s on my upsell list right now or they’re going to perish from the planet in obscurity once they are outside of my store.

The way I see it, if it doesn’t matter to me, it couldn’t possibly matter to them.

At work, it’s just as bad; I get into all kinds of things because I don’t use “good marketing language”. I’m too direct about what I want and/or what I mean when I say things like, “We’re writing you because we were interesting in asking…” instead of padding it all with unnecessary, unfelt questions about your morning/afternoon/evening/baby seals.

This has led to a very interesting counterbalance: I’m actually pretty good at marketing.

It’s insane actually: how could I be so good at something I could give less than a flipping fladoodle about?! Honestly, I don’t but here are a few clues that I’m starting to pick up on.

  1. This one is the most important one, so read then re-read this: I look and listen all the time for people that need help. I’m a tech support guy where I work and I grew up as the oldest of six kids. All I spent my time doing was listening to people telling me about what they needed and then trying to figure out what I could/couldn’t/would/wouldn’t do in order to help them. It’s become like a seventh sense.
  2. I help people if I can help them. That might mean, “here” or “go here” or “call here” or “let me take you here”, but if I figure out a way to help someone or address a need I see, I put effort to it. It doesn’t matter if you know how to help people unless you actually try to help them.
  3. I don’t talk about myself. I’m serious. I have a business I never really bring up. During company demos, I don’t talk about my company’s history. Ever. As a matter of fact, I spoke this out loud: “I could say a lot about our company, but that doesn’t matter; we have a website you can read and if you have a question, feel free to ask, but right now, I’m here to talk about you.” I mean those words every time I say them. Who cares about your company anyway unless they thought you could help them? Here’s another clue: if they are talking to you, they’ve done some kind of research. Someone somewhere read your site or whatever and thought, “This would be a good person to ask about…” so please do everyone a favor and shut up about yourself. You know who you are.
I’ll post any other clues I come up with if I can find them, but I still hate marketing even if I do it well…
…but I do like helping people.
A lot, actually.
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