Here it is. This image is the result of spite. You know what else was the result of spite?
As I mentioned, I’ve been put into a (relatively) focused space just out of the pure will to do things just because I want them conquered in front of people that pray I don’t. This journey came with a newly-acquired drill, hammer, tape measure, and an OBS tutorial for streaming on twitch.
It also came with me dusting off a facebook fan page for my gaming venture.
In the wake of that, I had a few conversations with a few special people, but my props this week go to Mark Davidson who is coaching me on the details of branding and online presence stuff. He says the most simple, brilliant things and it’s great. Not to mention his encouragement of just my writing in general.
Bless this man.
Now I have graphics testing and stuff to do along with books to read on logo design which has led me to take on an interesting challenge for reading. I’m going to re-institute that initiative I took last year for reading books and throw a twist into it.
Next thing to conquer are D&D modules. You better be sure to keep your edges on lock for this or I will snatch them all.
While I generally prefer the pure and positive types of motivations for my tasks, I am finding that 2017 is presenting more than a few strong cases for doing good things purely out of spite.
That website my friend needs but his project partners abandoned him on? Watch me build that out of spite.
Those things I want to do for my own life, but I’ve been on-hold waiting for either time or people to help me with? Watch me excel out of pure spite.
I really don’t know how to feel about this, but spite is legit about to produce:
- D&D modules
- an extensive travel budget
- blog content
- knowledge in another three programming languages
- a schedule for purchasing groceries
- finishing my entire stack of comics so I can trade them in
- finishing these business and design books
- finishing online design courses
I wish it didn’t. I wish I could live in a world of doing things for myself and for others with a motivation driven purely by the positive, but no good deed goes unpunished, so I’m going to do these things out of spite instead.
Lately, as part of things I am going to unfold about myself, faith is going to be one of them because it infuses and informs everything I do. Today, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite things in church: praise breaks.
Imagine being so filled with joy that you are overwhelmed by it.
Just imagine for a moment that you’re in a room of people and all of the emotions and thoughts that are normally a maelstrom all become directed toward the most loving person you know. Now imagine that, in the outpouring of everything about everything, you find yourself lost in that communion.
Imagine being so filled with joy that you are then overwhelmed by it. That it uses you as a conduit into the world. You just move. You don’t even think about it or what it looks like. It feels like not just your own joy, but the joy of multitudes.
It’s disruptive. It pulls you in like a riptide and right out of the world for a few briefs moments. You try to resist it, but the call is too strong. Too enticing. You’ve touched something sacred and now you have its full, undivided attention. Sometimes, other people see that opening in time and space and they join you, too.
It’s like being in love, really; anyone who has felt it will know what you mean, every word fails to describe it properly, and some songs bring you back to that moment instantly.
I’ve been on vacation for four days (it’s April 24th) and have yet to spend an entire one where I haven’t checked on the team for fear the world may have stopped turning.
However, the hours between checks has gotten longer. I felt more disconnected today and that was good. I stepped into the Mediterranean and let it embrace me for a while. I’ve always felt connected to the water no matter what body it has and this was no different.
I’ve thought about what I’ve had time to think about and be on vacation. It’s weird how serious the transformation is:
- I want to be outside. Around people. Lots of them.
- I want to explore things and I linger at the end of every moment.
- I have the energy and will to create things at the same time.
- I drink more water and generally eat healthier.
- I’m online in general a lot less even when I can be.
Today, I took a ton of pictures except inside of a small place of prayer because I wanted to spend time with God more than I wanted a picture of the moment.
I wonder what my fifth day will bring me, but I also wonder when I will stop looking back to the world I left behind while I’m gone.
Terror for me, in its purest form, is providing unfiltered information about myself to comment on. In an age of people being able to easily offered unsolicited advice – often without context – I’ve developed a steady habit of writing my thoughts in ways that can’t be read; to maintain my joy in a secret place that no one can touch.
Lately, however, with everything happening, I have to wonder if the increasing lack of sleep and the suppression of crackling energy is worth it. The unwritten pages are turning into blood in my palms and it’s dripping into the bed, onto the bus, into tons of times I am withdrawn but somehow up at 6AM.
So I’m going to do this thing of maybe putting things that are, somehow, closer to me than everything I’ve publicly written and let you read it.
There’s a lot of things I’ve seen this week with people justifying things because they prefer to have full, empirical evidence that something was wrong before they call it wrong.
They want to ask questions about preceding events and criminal history before determining if people should or should not be dragged off an airplane, complete with being bloodied, because they wouldn’t give up their seat.
They want to ask for the sources of scientific study used to determine whether or not 1 in 6 women are raped before allowing themselves to state fully that rape is wrong and happens far more frequently than it should.
To this I want to ask that, before you try to make oppression or misogyny or racism or so many other things an academic pursuit, please let these two words be your mantra: just don’t.
Some days at work are really frustrating and while I’ve written about that, one thing I haven’t necessarily talked about is what happens as I process things, so I’m going to have that moment.
When I am frustrated, I usually just want quiet to allow my thoughts to process and get lost in the flow of my work. My job rarely affords me that chance which increases my frustration by orders of magnitude. Usually, at the height of this, God Himself sees fit to present me with a way to venture out of my own brain by sending me a person with a problem and a challenge to empathize.
Today, that was a client who just could not understand the implications of some changes she made in our software. She’s been at this for weeks and trying to solve some stuff and all kinds of frustrated. Herein begins the challenge to empathize: I have to see her frustrations as equally important to my own.
I start the journey somewhat reluctantly, but get into asking why. Then another why. Then another. Soon, it’s been an hour and I have forgotten about the last few hours of wanting to strike people with lightning bolts. I’m abuzz with thinking about how I can help this person somehow be a little less frustrated somehow and sometimes that is all you need.
Wouldn’t that be nice? If we could just get so lost in helping someone and trying to see where they are coming from that we stopped being about ourselves?
I imagine it would be great.